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Drill, Baby! Drill!

Summary: Northwestern University psychology professor John Michael Bailey arranged a live-sex demonstration for his human sexuality class, a demonstration that closely resembled a scene from Monty Python’s Meaning of Life. Professor Bailey has thus been nominated to receive the March 6, 2011 Weekly Sisyphus Award.


BOB BURNHAM: Today, Professor John Michael Bailey of Northwestern University received a Weekly Sisyphus Award nomination for arranging a live-sex demonstration on the campus of Northwestern University. However, the decision to nominate the controversial psychology professor has drawn both praise and condemnation. Here to discuss his nomination are Candy Rush, an adult film star who has appeared in such movies as Spin Cycle and Open House, and Joe the Plumber, the metaphorical working-class American. Thank you both for coming.

CANDY RUSH, adult film star: Thanks for having me. It’s been a pleasure.

JOE THE PLUMBER, the metaphor: Glad to be here.

BOB: Candy Rush, let me start with you. You objected to Professor Bailey being nominated–receiving this nomination. Do you think that this demonstration was educational?

CANDY: Absolutely. My understanding is that the students were shown a video on female orgasm. The presenters thought the video was unrealistic, and, I can tell you, speaking as–working as–an adult film star, as an entertainer in the industry, the orgasm on the video was probably fake.

BOB: Joe, I see you shaking your head. You disagree with Ms. Rush? Was this educational?

JOE: Sounds like pornography to me. If this is what qualifies as education–I mean, if this is what going to college is about–then I bet I must have something like a  Master’s degree from the Admiral Theatre. I think I can tell when a woman is faking it–

CANDY: I doubt it.

BOB: I’m sorry, but that’s all the time I have for you today. But before you go, I have a final question for you, Ms. Rush: If I wanted to get my wife a sex toy, should I go to Lover’s Lane or Lowe’s?




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