Fast Times in Publishing

I am awesome, and not just awesome, but totally awesome!

At least that is what my manager told me. I even received a trophy–a piece of flimsy card stock with the words “Totally Awesome” printed in gold letters, arcing across a background of stars and balloons–which I tacked to my cubicle wall. Later, I sat down with Stu Nahan for an interview; you can read the transcript below.

STU: Bob, congratulations to you. Things looked pretty rough in the office for you.

ME: Well Stu, I gotta tell you, I did battle with some humongous files. But you know, like I told the guy on Fox, danger is my business!

STU: You know, a lot of people expected maybe Dwayne “Project Manager” Phillips or Mark “Cubicle Monkey” Markisson would take the honors.

ME: [laughs incredulously] Those guys are fags!

STU: [oblivious] That’s fantastic! Let me ask you, when you get to the office, do you ever fear for your job?

ME: Well, Stu, I’ll tell you. Editing is not a job, it’s a way of life, you know, a hobby. It’s a way of looking at a manuscript and saying, “Hey bud, let’s party!” [focusing on Stu’s  sport coat] Where’d you get this jacket?

STU: [evasive] The network gave it to me. Let me ask you a question. What’s next for Bob Burnham?

ME:  Heading over to the Marketing department and then going to a project status meeting. And then me and Lemmy are going to wing it down to Rio and jam with Motorhead!

Jeff Spicoli would be proud. Which leads me to a new rule for surviving Corporate America: accept empty platitudes with a healthy dose of skepticism.

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