Why Union Station Does Work

In his February 1st CityScapes blog post, Blair Kamin explained the problems with the current design of Chicago’s Union Station. He described Union Station as a “subterranean grotto” that combines “bland commercial modernism above, a rat-maze train station below.”

Some of the comments to Mr. Kamin’s post were even more blunt. “Too many shady characters are hanging around and victimizing riders,” complained one reader. Another reader complained about inhaling diesel fumes. Some comments seemed unduly harsh: “Smelly, gray, and about to kill you.”

While I was waiting for the 5:46 to Elgin/Big Timber, I ran into a Morlock friend of mine, and I shared with him Mr. Kamin’s post and some of the comments.

“Hey, what they don’t realize,” he explained, picking at his teeth with the long, sharp fingernail of his pinky, “is that Union Station is the most efficient food processing plant in North America. The corridors efficiently sort the Eloi. Ripe Eloi are shipped to Morlock dens nationwide, while under-ripe Eloi are routed into the food court for fattening and stored in the Great Hall until they are ripe. And the diesel fumes give Eloi flesh a hearty, earthen flavor that Morlocks absolutely love.”

And what about a new design that would  allow for natural light into the station?

“Is Kamin kidding? Doesn’t he know that Morlocks hate sunlight? Please, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!”

Does Union Station work for you? Share your idea’s for improving this Chicago landmark by clicking on the Comment button below.

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